Cuss Cops 3

Episode 3

Night had fallen, and Mark was in bed.  Downstairs, he heard a soft creak.  He had not yet fallen asleep and was lying in bed in his pjs. Thinking slowly, so as not to have them notice him, he thought about who it could be.  Since he was thinking slowly, it took several seconds for him to figure out what was happening. It was his future self! He waited some more, listening quietly, to see what he could hear. But then, the mere act of seeing sound, made the person downstairs freeze. But since he was frozen, Mark decided that he was not a threat and could go back to sleep.

The next morning when he came downstairs, he found a note lying on his table. This time, it was about recent America. It was about how 20 years earlier,  Sveeded the Bad was so bad, that people started fearing his name and it spread, turning into a bad word. He lived near the base of Idaho in an old haunted mansion. But in reality, the only thing haunting it was him. So he had to go back. Grabbing a backpack full of If, Baby, Old, and Back, he poured Back on him. Then he was in Idaho. But 20 years earlier. The potions seemed to have that strange effect of taking you anywhere you wanted. Mark wondered why it did that. But then he had to get back to reality because people were staring at the man who came out of nowhere (When in reality, he came from Colorado).

Quickly he dashed off to a side alley to scheme in peace. “Lets see, according to this map, Sveeded mansion/castle/house was one pace north of here.” Mark mumbled. Then getting ready to set out, he took a step away from the wall and hit the front door of the mansion/castle/house. “Heh-heh-hello? Is anyone there?” Mark called out. A nice looking old lady opened the front door. “Yes? What do you need?” The nice lady said “I am Ms. Sveeded.” Mark was stunned. How could this nice lady be the mother of such a horrible child?

Stammering, Mark managed to answer “I am here to see your son.”  Suprised, Ms. Sveeded called her son out. “Do you believe I have magic?” The boy said creepily and gloomily somehow at the same time. “Uhhh,” Mark had to reply for he knew nothing about the boy having magic “He decided to play along and pretended to have some sort of idea of what the boy might be trying to talk about. “Good,” the boy said “You can come in here with me.” And he walked away into the house acting as if he wanted Mark to follow. It was a strange walk. It must be hard to make it look like you want following. But, the boy managed to do it, so Mark just shrugged at Ms. Sveeded and followed the boy in.

Inside, the boy wandered the twisted halls muttering to himself. But when Mark tried to listen, it was hard to follow because it was all in third person. Or at least that was what it sounded like. It went kind of like this: Bobby doesn’t need friends, Bobby has stranger now. Does stranger know of power? Or does stranger lie? Bobby will test. Yes. I will try really hard to put it in this time and he will know. Yes. Bobby will know if he is normal.” Mark wondered why he was talking about lying on tests, but it didn’t sound good. Then, strangely, Bobby started talking really loud. “12! 12! 12! 12! 12! 12!” At the end he was almost screaming. The he spun and asked Mark what number he was thinking of. “Ummm,” Mark said, again, not knowing how to respond “12?”

“AHA!” Bobby shouted “I can implant stuff in peoples minds!”  Then he started jabbering on about himself and the only way Mark could drown him out was to think really loud. But louder, was harder, so he started thinking better. Then he realized what Bobby’s problem was. “BOBBY!” He screamed to get Bobby’s attention “You can’t implant things in peoples minds, you just say everything you think” Bobby got a look of realization on his face, then wiped it off. “Do you really mean that? I hope he means that. I wonder why he isn’t responding. Is it because of what he said? He said I say what I think, so I just have… to… st...o...p……” Then it became quiet.

“Good job” Mark said “Now people will no longer think you are weird, and you won’t think you have a problem.” Then Bobby started rambling on about how happy he was and how grateful and all that stuff that made a person feel good but after a while hate the person talking if they just can’t stop talking like this sentence you probably don’t like because it goes on and on and on and you can’t stop it and it is really annoying you. End of long sentence. Just if you skipped the long sentence, it stopped there. Where were we? Oh yeah, Mark walked out of the house, happy that the job was done. He then took out the pencil and paper he had brought specially and wrote out his adventure. He also put in a crudely drawn map just for reference.

With the If in his hand, he bid farewell to this time, but was in his house. Someone upstairs started rustling, then saw sound which made him freeze immediately to the spot. Around 4, he started thawing and managed to leave the letter on the table. Then he used the rest of the If, and some Baby, and was back where he started.

Cuss Cops 2

Episode 2

The only time Mark found things, was when he didn’t want them. But today, he found something he might want. It was laying on his desk when he came home from work, and was a story about the ancient country of Quandordinheem. Located somewhere around the center of Australia. Amazingly, this was where the word Potato became a bad word. (Do you mind if I don’t beep it out?) Yep. The bad word @#)%&# originated here.(Sorry, I’ll try better next time) Horrible, right? Mark knew that only he thought potato (did it!) was a bad word but it might be a bad word somewhere else. So Mark thought he would do everyone a favor if he made it not be a bad word. He headed down to his basement and grabbed a bottle. Time to go to Quandordinheem. He had always wanted to go to Quandordinheem.

He got his bottle of Back and poured it on his head. “Off we go!” he shouted. People turned to look at him. “Hdiosig&” They said. Oh yeah. He was in Quandordinheem. They couldn’t understand him. He took out the little story and looked closely at what was said. “Down aje0e09 road and around the turn near a big building, inside a red house should be a board sticking up that someone stepped on that created the word potato.”

Mark mumbled to himself. ajf0e09 road… There! He ran over to the little road and looked on the sign. The sign said ajeocog. This was the wrong road! He looked around trying to find the right road. It was nowhere in sight. He wandered around, looking for the right road, and eventually decided to go down ajeocog road. He walked and walked and made many wrong turns until he was extremely disoriented. But look! A tiny red house! He must have come back to where he had started!

He quickly rushed into the house and looked for any loose boards. There were none. In fact, it had a dirt floor! So he went out and decided to check the big building. The big building had boards! Hooray! He ran inside and tripped on a loose board. “Potato!” He spat out, annoyed that he tripped. He got up and looked around to find the entire town sitting there for a conference. Oops. Now he would have to train them to forget it. Or… He quickly turned and ran out the door, the crowd staring at him leave. He went outside and climbed on the roof. He grabbed the bottle of If off his back splashed it all over the top of the building. He poured the entire bottle out, which should send them to about… his own time! Oops again! Then he was back in his own time, but above the huge building.

Well, at least now it would sound like they were spewing nonsense, not cursing. So it was time to go home. He got home when the sun was just rising. He went inside and sat down, deciding to record his adventures. He wrote about the road, was it aqe0co9? ajce0c0g? He just decided to put it as ajeocog. He would remember what it meant anyway. He wrote the next part. “Something about a building, was it red? No, that one was big, or you turn by the red one, so you turn by the big one. Yeah. Then you go into the red one. Thats what I did. And I tripped.”  he said as he wrote it all down.

Amazingly enough, he managed to finish and left it on the table to go take a nap. But as he was heading up, he heard someone coming in the door. Who could that be? He checked the nice clock he had on the wall. It was the time he would normally get home. Wait… what day was it? He checked to make sure and… it was! That was him from yesterday! Quickly he grabbed the If, trying to hide from himself. If he was seen, who knew what could happen! Oh, no! The If was almost empty! He tipped the last drop onto him… and was back. Back to right after he left. He took another bottle, this time of Baby and sprinkled just enough to make the adventure not have aged him (he didn’t want to die early). Then he realized. He left the story on his desk! So THAT was where he got the little story at the start. He must have to write to himself, otherwise he wouldn’t do it, and create a paradox. Time must have helped him on this one, but next time he would do better. Then he headed up to bed, and slept.

Cuss Cops

Cuss Cops

Saving the world from cursey people, one word at a time.

Written by: Jake Swartwout

Episode 1

Twas a normal day for Mark. He was at his job, in a meeting. He worked at Jake & Co., the leading brand of science gadgets. He hasn’t invented anything yet, but he still has a year. Each month, he gets money for experiments, and all he has to do was go to the brainstorming sessions every week. This one, the other inventors were arguing about if time travel was possible.

“ You BEEEP!” One man said “It IS BEEEP possible to BEEEP BEEEP in BEEP time!” Oh, how they loved to cuss. Mark hated cursing of all types, yet somehow his subconscious got through.

“BEEEEEEEP” Mark screamed “All of you BEEEP BEEEEPS, BEEEP the BEEP BEEP!” Everyone gasped. Ashamed, Mark ran out of the room, wishing he hadn’t said that. He ran mumbling down to the basement, hoping to find solitude there. Bam! He hit his head on a giant cabinet in the middle of the path. While he was losing consciousness, he saw a man hiding behind a car run away. “ssToP.!” He mumbled. Then the world blacked out.

When he awoke, he found himself lying next to a large grey cabinet. It was sitting in the middle of the stairs, a few steps up from the parking garage. Perplexed, he opened the door to the cabinet, expecting to find something horrible inside like a murdered body or 2 billion pounds of dynamite. He was right.

“Get down!” He yelled, throwing himself on the floor. For inside the cabinet, was rows and rows of bottles. They didn’t explode. Mark waited, and waited, and waited. Then, gingerly, he got up. Looking closer, he noticed a note stuck to one of the rows. It read:

Dear Mark,

Please do not be afraid of what I am about to tell you

I am you from the future

Inside this cabinet, you will find 4 different types of bottles

They are If, Back, Baby, and Old

If takes you Into the Future

Back takes you back to the past

Baby brings you closer to a baby

Old makes you old

Pour them on yourself to use it

With these, you will be able to travel in time and fix things that need fixing

Use these with great care and do not let people know about them

Do not let people steal them either.

From You,

Mark

Mark was amazed. Him from the future! Did these really let him do all of those things? He must try them out! But he must be careful not to change anything or else he would cause his future to be different. So, he grabbed some of the bottle labled Back, and poured it on himself. He only poured a little and was sent to what looked like a few minutes after he passed out. Amazed at seeing himself, he stood staring for a full minute. Then, realizing he needed the If to get back, he went to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle. Beside the first note, he saw another one. This one said:

Oh, Yeah. We forgot to tell you this:

The machine in the cabinet is capable of making all 4 of the potions.

Since they are opposites, you can mix If and Back, or Baby and Old to get nothing.

You can also make those out of nothing.

To do so, select the pair you want and click create.

The two bottles at the bottom will fill up.

Also, these potions work of everything but the machine and bottles.

You can use them on plants, animals, building, rocks, objects, even water.

You can specify with your mind what you want to travel.

For example, you could pour it in water and only have one drop travel.

Or you could have the entire ocean travel.

Also, if you separate something, then Baby it, it will find and connect to the other piece.

If you then Old it, it will move back to where it was going to be.

From,

Mark

Interested, Mark took the letter off. He also grabbed the machine. While inspecting them, he accidentally hit the on switch and If dribbled out of the open hole. He just stole something from himself and was back in the future. So it did really work! Satisfied, he wheeled the cabinet into his the trunk of his car and drove home, hoping to be the savior of time.