Wendy Messes with Time 4

Chapter 4

A Journey To Remember

Wendy let out a gasp and staggered back when she saw her duplicate. Is… is… is that really her? And where did she come from?

Wendy started to speak… that is, the Wendy in the Potty.

“Where am I? Is… is this the day I found the fountain? Are you me from the past?”

Wendy not in the box was surprised. Who was this stranger that looked like her? What did she mean by ‘from the past’?

With a groan, Muddy Wendy got up. She grimaced and frowned, as if she knew something bad was going to happen.

Suddenly, Box was on top of not box, and punching her in the face. Tears were flowing down Box’s cheeks as she picked up Not-Box and started spinning her around.

Not-Box was thrown into Cathy’s new machine and it fell over with a slam. The door swung shut and sparks flew out from the hinges.

Before Not-Box could start calling herself Wendy again, the Machine hummed and shook, throwing her around. She jerked and spasmed, felt stretched and contorted, and after almost an instant, it stopped.

The door creaked open.

A hot jet of air wafted in and hit Wendy. She coughed, being able to breathe easier than ever. What did the machine do to Cathy's house?

She looked around at the steaming jungle of plants surrounding her. What had happened? Did Cathy’s machine destroy the world as she knew it? Or is it some type of great plant growth solution (because they really should sell it)?

Wendy went out and glanced around her, trying to find what had happened. Nearby, a bush shook and Wendy called out Cathy’s name.

“Cathy? Cathy? Are you there? Heh heh, yeah, this machine works great… real funny joke, Cathy.” But Wendy was met with silence.

The bush shook some more until finally a monkey dashed out past Wendy. Definitely not Cathy.

Wendy tried to see anything but trees. Eventually, she had to climb up on the Machine to look around. Being just barely higher than the tree tops, Wendy could see all around.

Over one way was some sand that was most likely a desert. Over another way was some water like a lake or ocean. And if she looked inland, she saw a small area without trees and smoke coming from the middle.

Wendy gasped with shock. That would be people! The only sign of civilization in this crazy wild world.

Wendy re-checked the position, climbed down, fixed her bow, and started walking.

Wendy Messes with Time 3

Chapter 3

The Machine

Apparently, the machine breaking was what was supposed to happen. Why Cathy would want the side to come off, Wendy didn’t know, but she did know that Cathy loved it.

“It works! All my hard work has paid off! That day of welding was not wasted.”

“What happened?” Wendy asked, supremely confused “And how does the water do anything?”

Cathy sighed at Wendy’s ignorance. “Can’t you tell? It is a self opening, pure Ytterbium, spherical Porta-Potty! Now, people will no longer have to touch the gross handle, or worry about not being in contact with Ytterbium! Your water acted as the perfect energy source, saying that is has more energy than a nuclear reactor with the size of a normal alkaline battery.”

Wendy was stunned by the silliness of the invention. Is it even safe to be around Ytterbium? Is that even real? Cathy confused Wendy’s shock with wonder and amazement. She leaned over to Wendy and whispered in her ear. “And we know how much energy you need to unstick the door.”

Wendy laughed. Now she understood completely. Cathy was a lunatic. A crazy, raving lunatic. She turned around to leave and walked straight into the Porta-Potty.

With a loud slam, Wendy fell to the ground. How did the thing get there so fast? She lifted herself up and glanced back at Cathy.

Cathy’s mouth was open and drool was coming out. She was staring at Wendy and half collapsed against her machine. Wait, what?

Wendy spun around again and looked again at the machine beside her. Where did this come from? Did Cathy really make 2? The door squeaked open (automatically, which Wendy thought was nice) to reveal a strange huddled figure. It looked strangely familiar.

They brought their head up slowly, as if unsure where they were. The stranger was splattered with mud and had a torn pink bow on their head.

They were Wendy.

Cuss Cops 3

Episode 3

Night had fallen, and Mark was in bed.  Downstairs, he heard a soft creak.  He had not yet fallen asleep and was lying in bed in his pjs. Thinking slowly, so as not to have them notice him, he thought about who it could be.  Since he was thinking slowly, it took several seconds for him to figure out what was happening. It was his future self! He waited some more, listening quietly, to see what he could hear. But then, the mere act of seeing sound, made the person downstairs freeze. But since he was frozen, Mark decided that he was not a threat and could go back to sleep.

The next morning when he came downstairs, he found a note lying on his table. This time, it was about recent America. It was about how 20 years earlier,  Sveeded the Bad was so bad, that people started fearing his name and it spread, turning into a bad word. He lived near the base of Idaho in an old haunted mansion. But in reality, the only thing haunting it was him. So he had to go back. Grabbing a backpack full of If, Baby, Old, and Back, he poured Back on him. Then he was in Idaho. But 20 years earlier. The potions seemed to have that strange effect of taking you anywhere you wanted. Mark wondered why it did that. But then he had to get back to reality because people were staring at the man who came out of nowhere (When in reality, he came from Colorado).

Quickly he dashed off to a side alley to scheme in peace. “Lets see, according to this map, Sveeded mansion/castle/house was one pace north of here.” Mark mumbled. Then getting ready to set out, he took a step away from the wall and hit the front door of the mansion/castle/house. “Heh-heh-hello? Is anyone there?” Mark called out. A nice looking old lady opened the front door. “Yes? What do you need?” The nice lady said “I am Ms. Sveeded.” Mark was stunned. How could this nice lady be the mother of such a horrible child?

Stammering, Mark managed to answer “I am here to see your son.”  Suprised, Ms. Sveeded called her son out. “Do you believe I have magic?” The boy said creepily and gloomily somehow at the same time. “Uhhh,” Mark had to reply for he knew nothing about the boy having magic “He decided to play along and pretended to have some sort of idea of what the boy might be trying to talk about. “Good,” the boy said “You can come in here with me.” And he walked away into the house acting as if he wanted Mark to follow. It was a strange walk. It must be hard to make it look like you want following. But, the boy managed to do it, so Mark just shrugged at Ms. Sveeded and followed the boy in.

Inside, the boy wandered the twisted halls muttering to himself. But when Mark tried to listen, it was hard to follow because it was all in third person. Or at least that was what it sounded like. It went kind of like this: Bobby doesn’t need friends, Bobby has stranger now. Does stranger know of power? Or does stranger lie? Bobby will test. Yes. I will try really hard to put it in this time and he will know. Yes. Bobby will know if he is normal.” Mark wondered why he was talking about lying on tests, but it didn’t sound good. Then, strangely, Bobby started talking really loud. “12! 12! 12! 12! 12! 12!” At the end he was almost screaming. The he spun and asked Mark what number he was thinking of. “Ummm,” Mark said, again, not knowing how to respond “12?”

“AHA!” Bobby shouted “I can implant stuff in peoples minds!”  Then he started jabbering on about himself and the only way Mark could drown him out was to think really loud. But louder, was harder, so he started thinking better. Then he realized what Bobby’s problem was. “BOBBY!” He screamed to get Bobby’s attention “You can’t implant things in peoples minds, you just say everything you think” Bobby got a look of realization on his face, then wiped it off. “Do you really mean that? I hope he means that. I wonder why he isn’t responding. Is it because of what he said? He said I say what I think, so I just have… to… st...o...p……” Then it became quiet.

“Good job” Mark said “Now people will no longer think you are weird, and you won’t think you have a problem.” Then Bobby started rambling on about how happy he was and how grateful and all that stuff that made a person feel good but after a while hate the person talking if they just can’t stop talking like this sentence you probably don’t like because it goes on and on and on and you can’t stop it and it is really annoying you. End of long sentence. Just if you skipped the long sentence, it stopped there. Where were we? Oh yeah, Mark walked out of the house, happy that the job was done. He then took out the pencil and paper he had brought specially and wrote out his adventure. He also put in a crudely drawn map just for reference.

With the If in his hand, he bid farewell to this time, but was in his house. Someone upstairs started rustling, then saw sound which made him freeze immediately to the spot. Around 4, he started thawing and managed to leave the letter on the table. Then he used the rest of the If, and some Baby, and was back where he started.

Cuss Cops 2

Episode 2

The only time Mark found things, was when he didn’t want them. But today, he found something he might want. It was laying on his desk when he came home from work, and was a story about the ancient country of Quandordinheem. Located somewhere around the center of Australia. Amazingly, this was where the word Potato became a bad word. (Do you mind if I don’t beep it out?) Yep. The bad word @#)%&# originated here.(Sorry, I’ll try better next time) Horrible, right? Mark knew that only he thought potato (did it!) was a bad word but it might be a bad word somewhere else. So Mark thought he would do everyone a favor if he made it not be a bad word. He headed down to his basement and grabbed a bottle. Time to go to Quandordinheem. He had always wanted to go to Quandordinheem.

He got his bottle of Back and poured it on his head. “Off we go!” he shouted. People turned to look at him. “Hdiosig&” They said. Oh yeah. He was in Quandordinheem. They couldn’t understand him. He took out the little story and looked closely at what was said. “Down aje0e09 road and around the turn near a big building, inside a red house should be a board sticking up that someone stepped on that created the word potato.”

Mark mumbled to himself. ajf0e09 road… There! He ran over to the little road and looked on the sign. The sign said ajeocog. This was the wrong road! He looked around trying to find the right road. It was nowhere in sight. He wandered around, looking for the right road, and eventually decided to go down ajeocog road. He walked and walked and made many wrong turns until he was extremely disoriented. But look! A tiny red house! He must have come back to where he had started!

He quickly rushed into the house and looked for any loose boards. There were none. In fact, it had a dirt floor! So he went out and decided to check the big building. The big building had boards! Hooray! He ran inside and tripped on a loose board. “Potato!” He spat out, annoyed that he tripped. He got up and looked around to find the entire town sitting there for a conference. Oops. Now he would have to train them to forget it. Or… He quickly turned and ran out the door, the crowd staring at him leave. He went outside and climbed on the roof. He grabbed the bottle of If off his back splashed it all over the top of the building. He poured the entire bottle out, which should send them to about… his own time! Oops again! Then he was back in his own time, but above the huge building.

Well, at least now it would sound like they were spewing nonsense, not cursing. So it was time to go home. He got home when the sun was just rising. He went inside and sat down, deciding to record his adventures. He wrote about the road, was it aqe0co9? ajce0c0g? He just decided to put it as ajeocog. He would remember what it meant anyway. He wrote the next part. “Something about a building, was it red? No, that one was big, or you turn by the red one, so you turn by the big one. Yeah. Then you go into the red one. Thats what I did. And I tripped.”  he said as he wrote it all down.

Amazingly enough, he managed to finish and left it on the table to go take a nap. But as he was heading up, he heard someone coming in the door. Who could that be? He checked the nice clock he had on the wall. It was the time he would normally get home. Wait… what day was it? He checked to make sure and… it was! That was him from yesterday! Quickly he grabbed the If, trying to hide from himself. If he was seen, who knew what could happen! Oh, no! The If was almost empty! He tipped the last drop onto him… and was back. Back to right after he left. He took another bottle, this time of Baby and sprinkled just enough to make the adventure not have aged him (he didn’t want to die early). Then he realized. He left the story on his desk! So THAT was where he got the little story at the start. He must have to write to himself, otherwise he wouldn’t do it, and create a paradox. Time must have helped him on this one, but next time he would do better. Then he headed up to bed, and slept.

Cuss Cops

Cuss Cops

Saving the world from cursey people, one word at a time.

Written by: Jake Swartwout

Episode 1

Twas a normal day for Mark. He was at his job, in a meeting. He worked at Jake & Co., the leading brand of science gadgets. He hasn’t invented anything yet, but he still has a year. Each month, he gets money for experiments, and all he has to do was go to the brainstorming sessions every week. This one, the other inventors were arguing about if time travel was possible.

“ You BEEEP!” One man said “It IS BEEEP possible to BEEEP BEEEP in BEEP time!” Oh, how they loved to cuss. Mark hated cursing of all types, yet somehow his subconscious got through.

“BEEEEEEEP” Mark screamed “All of you BEEEP BEEEEPS, BEEEP the BEEP BEEP!” Everyone gasped. Ashamed, Mark ran out of the room, wishing he hadn’t said that. He ran mumbling down to the basement, hoping to find solitude there. Bam! He hit his head on a giant cabinet in the middle of the path. While he was losing consciousness, he saw a man hiding behind a car run away. “ssToP.!” He mumbled. Then the world blacked out.

When he awoke, he found himself lying next to a large grey cabinet. It was sitting in the middle of the stairs, a few steps up from the parking garage. Perplexed, he opened the door to the cabinet, expecting to find something horrible inside like a murdered body or 2 billion pounds of dynamite. He was right.

“Get down!” He yelled, throwing himself on the floor. For inside the cabinet, was rows and rows of bottles. They didn’t explode. Mark waited, and waited, and waited. Then, gingerly, he got up. Looking closer, he noticed a note stuck to one of the rows. It read:

Dear Mark,

Please do not be afraid of what I am about to tell you

I am you from the future

Inside this cabinet, you will find 4 different types of bottles

They are If, Back, Baby, and Old

If takes you Into the Future

Back takes you back to the past

Baby brings you closer to a baby

Old makes you old

Pour them on yourself to use it

With these, you will be able to travel in time and fix things that need fixing

Use these with great care and do not let people know about them

Do not let people steal them either.

From You,

Mark

Mark was amazed. Him from the future! Did these really let him do all of those things? He must try them out! But he must be careful not to change anything or else he would cause his future to be different. So, he grabbed some of the bottle labled Back, and poured it on himself. He only poured a little and was sent to what looked like a few minutes after he passed out. Amazed at seeing himself, he stood staring for a full minute. Then, realizing he needed the If to get back, he went to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle. Beside the first note, he saw another one. This one said:

Oh, Yeah. We forgot to tell you this:

The machine in the cabinet is capable of making all 4 of the potions.

Since they are opposites, you can mix If and Back, or Baby and Old to get nothing.

You can also make those out of nothing.

To do so, select the pair you want and click create.

The two bottles at the bottom will fill up.

Also, these potions work of everything but the machine and bottles.

You can use them on plants, animals, building, rocks, objects, even water.

You can specify with your mind what you want to travel.

For example, you could pour it in water and only have one drop travel.

Or you could have the entire ocean travel.

Also, if you separate something, then Baby it, it will find and connect to the other piece.

If you then Old it, it will move back to where it was going to be.

From,

Mark

Interested, Mark took the letter off. He also grabbed the machine. While inspecting them, he accidentally hit the on switch and If dribbled out of the open hole. He just stole something from himself and was back in the future. So it did really work! Satisfied, he wheeled the cabinet into his the trunk of his car and drove home, hoping to be the savior of time.

The Story of Groooo

Groooo

(With four o’s instead of 1 or 2 or 3 or pi or 5 or 6 or possibly 42)

By: Jake of The Otter Silk and Owen Hawthorn of the Berry Bush

Once upon a time, a rich scientist was experimenting in his lab. His name was doctor Biggle Von Wiggle and he was about to create a new breed of animal, a tropical flying rainbow death fish. Zzzzzzzzzap! LIfe poured through its veins, it was alive!

“IT’S ALIVE!!!” screamed Dr. Biggle Von Wiggle “I will name you, Groooo, my little precious fishy wishy!”

And with that Groooo flopped off the table and chomped off Dr. Biggle Von Wiggle’s left arm, and it started gushing blood.

“ It’s o.k. little fishy wishy, I still love you, but were guna need to get you a new mouth, and something to eat, and a litter box, and a sofa, and a bubble gum factory, and a 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,0000,000,000 gallon tank, and a cheese wheel, and a new computer, and a pet snail named Mr. Giggles, and an otter, and a dead mouse, and a language translator, and a tv, and a computer,” He gave Groooo a shot of sleeping stuff, “and a trampoline, and a myan calender, and a toilet, and a thumb, and a book, and a bed, and a light, zzzzzzzz.

When he woke up, Groooo found he had something in his mouth, and Dr. Biggle Von Wiggle said it was delicious cheese. He tasted it.

“You’re right!” Groooo exclaimed, “This cheese is absolutely delicious!”

He shoved another 5 lb. cheese block into the black box that the doctor had built to served as his mouth. The good nutrients were digested instantaneously and let out a puff of black smoke. The rest of the cheese came out the other end and he ate it again, and again, and again. Soon, Groooo had eaten it soo much it had hardly any matter left and turned to dust as he tried to eat it for the 6,219,809,829,845,098th time.

Then Dr. Biggle came back and gave him another 5 lb block of cheese. Then, he used his mega-crane to pick up Groooo and plant him back in the tank. (for he realised Groooo was part rainbow, part fish, part plant, and part bug)

“What’s this?” Groooo asked about the strange object below him as he wiggled out of the mega crane holding straps.

“It’s my super duper time traveler 5000, but don’t fall on it or you’ll get futurized!” Biggle Von Wiggle shouted. And then Groooo fell. And like the heroic person he was, Biggle Von Wiggle jumped in after Groooo

He fell, and blinked out of existence, for he had gone into the future!

He traveled through time and space, until he found Groooo. “We have to get you back to water!” he shouted “Or else you will implode!” He grabbed his exotic tropical flying rainbow death fish. He HAD to get it to water, or get rid of it! Otherwise, he would implode!

He landed in the future, saw no water at all, and dropped the death fish. He traveled back to his normal time period just as Groooo imploded. “I’m baaaack!” Dr. Biggle cried “the past is saved!” Happy, he stared up at the clear sky and sighed.

Out of nowhere, a strange man popped in the sky, dropped Groooo the death fish, and winked out of existence again. Groooo fell and fell, hit the ground, and imploded, bringing the milky way galaxy into it. Every single being in that galaxy was destroyed and we can’t just switch galaxies just like that, so...

The End

A Sad Paradox-Filled Story

The sad family of very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very unlucky people

Written by Jake S

Once upon a time in a slightly magical kingdom, a happy family lived. There was a proud father and mother with their son and his younger sister. They lived happily for many years until one day a magical wizard stumbled upon their house.

But he wasn’t really a magical wizard. He was a cereal killer who was famous for killing cereal! He tricked the family to let him in and said that he would give them what They wanted most.

The family treated him with much respect. Whatever he wanted they gave him. The dad carrying firewood, the mom sewing new clothes, the two kids providing entertainment. And after many years of laboring the family finally asked for their wish to be granted.

So the wizard brought out his magical wand and waved it around and called for his son. His son was called Thae (pronounced they) and was a kid obsessed with ghosts and zombies. Then the wizard handed them a paper cutout of a ghost.

The family was horrified. None of them wanted this! Then the evil wizard explained that he promised the family what his son Thae most wanted. And Thae had wanted to meet a ghost. The wizard ran away to kill more cereal.

Saddened the family cried and cried. The father cried the most for he spent everything he had on the wizard. The family struggled for they had no money left. Soon after much pain they started wishing that even the ghost was real. Even that would make them happy.

Then one day while upon his evening walk a wizard saw their house. He heard crying from inside so he sent a wish over to the house for the family to use. Then the families wish came true. The next thing that died would stay as a ghost for them.

Ahhhhhh! The girl screamed. For there was a spider on the floor. She abrubtly squashed him and put the corpse outside.

Then an evil scientist nearby started testing his new ray gun. He shot it at something and it worked! Then to solve the age old question, he fired his gun at a mirror to see what would happen.

The ray bounced off and hit another mirror. The ray bounced and bounced making the scientist duck and hide to avoid it. Then it hit the window and went through. It flew through space and out of the atmosphere.

In space a small ship got infected with alien flu so they had to self destruct. The ship exploded sending rubbage everywhere.

The poor mirror got cracked and was floating through space silently. Then a large beam of light flew towards it and got bounced back to Earth.

Falling through the atmosphere the ray prayed for its life. And luckily for it, the friction of it falling so fast made it heat up, grow, and increase in power. Then it saw the perfect place to hit. A small home in the middle of the city. It changed direction and headed for the house.

Meanwhile the spider had come back from the dead. He was angry for he had been squashed. He was flying around the outside of the house trying to scare them. Then he flew over the roof but the beam hit him.

He grew and grew getting larger than anything ever before. Now realizing how powerful he was, he went and terrorized the city.

News reporters everywhere were relating the story to the people to beware a giant ghostly spider.

But the spider was new at being a ghost so he phased through everything. He tried looking for flies to eat but could not find any.

Then the evil cereal killer came. He was killing someones cereal at the time when he saw the T.V. He wondered if people would give a reward it someone got rid of the ghost. So he bought a shop-vac and went out.

When he reached the spider it laughed. The spider was amused that a human thought he could stop him. He shot out his foot and smashed the evil cereal killer. Then the spider started to cry. The man had worn a pin and it poked the spider. And since he learned the dangers of humans and how bad something squished on your bare foot felt, he ran away to the rain forest for someone else to find and kill.

Then the family all saw this and wanted their spider back. So they went to the scientist who made the grow ray.

He told them that he learned the information he needed to know and realized he caused trouble by sending his ray out into space. So he hopped in his time machine wishing them good luck. He went all the way back to when the first ancestor they had in common was born. The first ancestor was the first humans. He then took out his knife and killed them. But he had formed a paradox.

God then came down and saw what he had done. He had made a false statement in the worlds perfect equation. So he went back and made a slight wind blow when the scientist was born, therefore changing all of history.

The old scientist now was going to grow up being a marine biologist. He grew up never to be the harsh teacher of the future cereal killer.

Then since he had it easy the future cereal killer never grew up to be a cereal killer. So the family was able to live happily without the fake magician.

But the spider was also able to time travel. He saw the scientist go back so he followed him. And when the future for him was changed, he was still in the past. But since this created another paradox, he felt queasy and he went back to his normal time.

God, annoyed as ever, went and said, a ghost isn’t harmful. So he changed history again so the spider still existed.

But this still changed the spiders past. Instead of being an innocent spider he was bent on revenge. He had been a human but someone evil turned him into a giant spider. Then people treated him so badly he committed suicide and became a ghost.

So while walking around town, looking for the man he wanted to kill, he accidentally stepped on the sad families house and killed them all.

The end